if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
