i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
