Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I want to have your abortion
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
