I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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