So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Girls should come with a carfax report
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
