i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
