Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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