I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
zippers are such a cool invention
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
