I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
