We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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