And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
