It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
