you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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