I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
