well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
