Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
