I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize