Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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