Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
