I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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