roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Everclear isn't food dammit
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