so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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