I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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