I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
