If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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