Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize