You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
