so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
