he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
