im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Randomize
