i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
