Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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