i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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