i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Screwed.edu
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I had to cum in my sink.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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