We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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