i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
