just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
