if i can run in heels then i can drive
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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