how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
