I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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