How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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