forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
