Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You ate ashes out of my bong
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
