He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
