Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize