my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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