I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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