We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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