We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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