Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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