what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
