this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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