I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize