I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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