he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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