he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
