Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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