Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
