If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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