He asked to "fluff my boner.."
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
