i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize