that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
