could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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