cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
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